Often as a therapist I find that client's struggle with emotional regulation. Most people understand the concept of coping strategies and that they in fact are to help us cope through our struggles. The truth is that there are steps to coping and it isn't just a simple equation. There is this misconception that when we are anxious we just practice breathing exercises and we're good and regulated. That is far from the truth. Dr Janina Scarlett in her book "Superwoman" created a chart that breaks down emotions as needs our body is trying to communicate to us.
In "Atlas of the Heart" Dr Brene Brown goes through various emotions and defined 80+ feelings to help with emotional granularity. In the book she referes to emotional granularity as "our ability to accurately recognize and label emotions " which helps us have a better understanding of ourselves. Brene Brown also defines anger as "is an emotion that we feel when something gets in the way of a desired outcome or when we believe there’s a violation of the way things should be." In the book she referes to the American Psychological Association's definition of anxiety which is “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.” I define anxiety as a fear response to a stimuli that is real or perceived.
I feel that Disney's Pixar has done a great job at making anxiety a character. The character of anxiety in Inside Out 2 shows that anxiety is a parasympathetic response that is there to protect us, it is a basic emotion of survival. In the movie anxiety will think of any potential dangers and reacts in order to save Riley from danger. The movie however shows that Joy tries to combat anxiety by thinking of positive outcomes and at the end of the movie they have a relaxing chair for anxiety to sit in, breath, and focus on present problems.
This is exactly what coping is. It is identifying what is going on in our bodies; what are we feeling. Then we identify what that emotional need equates. So if it's anxiety we need safety and reassurances but if its anger we need to be treated better or a different outcome. So once we know the need then how do we provide that to ourselves. For anxiety we need to come back to the present and think on the here and now by listening to music, meditating, doing yoga, painting... anything that grounds us in the present. If we are angry we need something to change so we asses the situation and consider if there is any aspect of the situation we can control. If so we need a plan to make that change. If we cannot control it then we need a way to release our emotions so working out, doing something physical, dancing, gardening, or going for a walk can help us release that emotion.
Emotions are complex despite hope simple we want to make them and so the process is also a complex process. It takes time and is a habit that we have to create and steps that we have to take to weather the storm and survive the waves that we experience.
If you need further help feel free to reach out and schedule a free 15 min consultation and we would love to help you on your journey to a better tomorrow.
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Brown, Brené. Atlas of the Heart (p. xxii). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Brown, Brené. Atlas of the Heart (p. 220). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Brown, Brené. Atlas of the Heart (p. 9). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
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