I like weird people. The black sheep. The eight balls. The left of centers. The wallflowers. The underdog. The loners. The rejects. The outcasts. The outsiders. The odd ducks. The eccentric. The broken. The lonely. The lost and the forgotten. - Unknown
A few years ago I read the book by Glennon Doyle called "Untamed" and it changed my life and the way that I manage my practice. In her book Glennon Doyle encourages her readers to find their wild selves the version of them untainted by the shackles of society; their freest version. This book resonated with me because I like, I imagine many others have struggled with doing what I feel intuitively like doing, and what is expected of me by social norms.
Most of my life I have been a self proclaimed weirdo, even my children will refer to me as so. I think it comes from years of feeling like the black sheep in my family. I often tell my client that being the black sheep of the family can cause a disregard within ourselves of caring about the opinion of others. We were expected to disappoint our relatives. I think this clicked in my head when I left for college and like many other teens began exploring my freedom but I did so by making various trips to the tattoo shop. In two years I had aquired 3 tattoos and a piercing and each of them was a further disappointment to my mother.
When I came home my first Christmas with my new tattoo I knew I was in for an unpleseant winter break, and it proved to be just so. My mother being the queen of the silent treatment chose to not speak to me for an extended period of time during that holiday. However despite not being the eldest cousin but being the one expected to be impulsive I openned the door to the rest of my cousins to tattooing. Afterwards, each of them individually began getting their own ink. It wasn’t as taboo then because I had provided the initial shock to the family as a collective.
The thing I have learned over the years is that our brains will take the doctrine presented to us through our years and will store it as if it should be the parameters of how we live our lives not allowing us to stray from their even if it feels like an itchy sweater. Our desire to fit in and be accepted overshadows our self identity and genuine living. We begin what is called cognitive dissonance. We began the mental battle in our heads that can often lead to anxiety and depression.
After reading the book I began deep diving with my clients on finding their true identities and I found that we all struggle with some level of expectation of what life should be like that does not sit well with us but we continue to adhere to. I also recognized that my clients who struggled with the most anxiety and depression tend to be the ones who have various expectations of themselves and others. Judgment was the common factor in their lives. They struggled with acceptiung others without judgement because they themselves were self judging on impossible standards. I recognized that the process of working through to self acceptance is tied to not judging others.
Now I truly believe that it is impossible not to judge others, but part of the work is to identify our biases. My biasis is that I do not respect those who abuse those without power. So I struggle with child abuse, elderly abuse, animal abuse, or sexual offenders because it consist of someone in a power position praying on others. Apart from that as long as 2 or more adults consent to the activities or lifestyle one chooses to live or participate in. I am all for it. Of course life is not black or white but it is way more enjoyable when we recognize that if the choices of others do not impact us, its not our problem and the same applies to us. If my life is not directly impacting others my choices are not up for discussion.
So today I encourage you to take some steps to release yourself from that self made cage and do things that you would judge yourself for. Do the things that you enjoy or think you would. The choices that many of my clients feel they have to be intoxicated to do. You can do it without liquid courage but you have to free yourself from judgement.
If this journey appeals to you and you want to begin reach out to us or another practitioner and begin your journey the process can feel quite liberating. Therapy can be fun and freeing give it a try.
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