It's important to do what's best for you, whether people approve of it or not. This is your life. You know what's good for you and remember, self love takes strength. - Unknown
Many of my clients tend to be people pleasers, but honestly many of us are people pleasers. It is a survival mechanism to want to fit in and be accepted. There was a point in our history that we needed to be accepted by the larger group so that we could survive in a community were food was shared and safety came in numbers. In modern society group acceptance is not essential to survival but it helps us to not have to carry our burden all on our own. So for some having a group and belonging helps us by giving us a sounding board that we can bounce ideas back and forth. There are others that benefit from child care of financial support from their community.
Being in a group also provides company that eases our loneliness because some of us do not like being alone. Being alone often leads to our fears and demons making an appearance and feeling unpleasant feelings. The fear of having to experience that sadness often prevents people from calling out those around them that don’t treat them well. I have noticed in life and in my practice that people will share with me that others doe not treat them well but they would rather not confront the issue so that they do not want to upset the other person or cause conflict.
People avoid conflict because they do not want to lose the other person in the disagreement or they have learned to avoid negative emotions all together. The part people miss is that by avoiding conflict in relationships we also rob ourselves from the opportunity of digging deeper into our relationship and connecting further with others. Healthy conflict is important to building relationships and getting to know one another. Is there a risk that when we call someone out on something that they will become upset? Yes. Is it possible that the conflict could lead to that person not being in your life? Yes.
Lately I have been facing these scenarios with my clients where they are unhappy, anxious, or depressed with situations taking places but when we discuss ways that they can present their concerns to others they clam up. Their reasoning is because they do not have to face the counter arguments that they are going to be presented or they are fearful the other person will think they are asking too much or over dramatic. So the analogy I created was that people have to essentially decide if they are going to experience the storm within themselves or around them.
Storms like in life cannot be avoided but we alone can decide how we deal with them. We can resolve the conflict by getting things off our chest or we can continue to live in the overthinking, rumination, and worry. It is not our responsibility to regulate the emotions of others nor are we able to, but we can assess whether this relationship is healthy for us. If the people around us cannot make the space for safe communication and resolution it is then important to decide whether we need a greater intervention or if the relationship serves us.
Each of us is responsible for our own emotions and working on our communication but that means that those around me have the same responsibility to themselves. So if you feel that you need help finding a healthy way to share your emotions reach-out to a mental health practitioner so that they can help you gain the skills. In therapy a therapist or counselor can mirror what a healthy relationship looks like so that you can understand what it should look like when conflict arises. Holding things in only intensifies the emotions and eventually they will spill over into other areas of our lives. So it is important to work through those stressors and find your Better Tomorrow.
#selflove #anxiety #depression #floridatherapist #selfcare #mentalhealth #growth #motivation #healthyrelationships #LCSW #latina #counseling #peoplepleasing #therapy #commmunication
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