"Good habits, once established are just as hard to break as are bad habits." - ROBERT PULLER
My mother has a saying; "La costumbre es was fuerte que el amor." (Habits are stronger than love). The truth is the longer I've been a therapist the more fiercely I believe this in particular in relationships. I often find myself talking to individuals who will tell me how many issues are taking place in their relationship, that they are aware that they are incompatible but they cannot bare to lose that person in their life.
There seems to be a tread of the human condition of realizing that a person is not good for you but having created significant memories or even more having carved out a portion of your life for them that makes it hard to cut ties. This could be said for abusive relationships. The cycle of abuse includes the honeymoon period and tend to be the focus of attention. Many people hang on long enough to have a glint of the connection they experience at times.
We are mammals we like habit and whether a habit is good or bad it's familiar. Our anxious brains do not like the unknown or unfamiliar hence the saying " Better the devil you know, than the one you don't." So we stay. Now don't get me wrong relationships are hard work period, but they are not all good for us. Just like smoking cigarettes is a habit, it may not be good for you but it is part of how you live your life. Most of the time we smoke we connect it to something else like turning the car on or stepping out to our patios. The best way to cut unhealthy behaviors is by modifying your habit.
New people will come into your life and form new habits. Hopefully you have created boundaries and know the type of people you want in your corner and you only allow those in. Life will move on and if that person is meant to still hold space in your life even as a friend they will realize what your boundaries are and how to respect them.
If you need help with your anxiety, depression, trauma and all that entails (ie habits, relationships, boundaries, and so much more) please reach out to use at Better Tomorrow and we will love to help you on your journey.